I can’t deny the reason why I posted what I did early this morning. It’s not the only comment of that type to be swung my way, but probably the one that hurt the most. Yesterday I had asked Niko why I wasn’t linked with the rest of the webcomics on his Fantasy Realms website. I’ve known him for several years, and I thought we have gotten along pretty well. I’ve never tried to compete with him. He’s been vastly popular for years, being one of the most popular anime/manga style illustrators on the internet. I’ve just been some crazy guy trying to draw a manga in his free time just for the pure pleasure of doing it. Without a stable schedule of updates the manga has fallen and probably will remain in absolute obscurity. That’s fine by me.
You will note all these sites either have 100+ pages online or update weekly!
That’s what I was told. I don’t need a link, and this isn’t about the link at all but the message in his reply to my question. It’s fine not to be linked or asked to be. I was given the reason. I can accept it except it created a lurch of pain in me. Why? Because I thought he of all people around me would understand why I’m doing this manga. He’s restarted his manga over again several times because he absolutely loathed what was there. He’s also missed updates for weeks at a time for personal reasons. He’s even missed an update today, but he did give something else in the new page’s absence. He knows how it is.
Perhaps I should give up on my delusion that each page is a work of art but art that also tells a story and move to greyscale again. I did that approach in the prologue, but I wasn’t satisfied with it at all. I wasn’t getting anything better out of it, and neither were you. I am tons better than I was back then. When I do a page I see each time as an opportunity to do better than I did on the previous page both in illustration and color. Color I think is important. It’s not in many japanese mangas, but I feel a need to improve myself on the use of color on each page. I do this to improve myself. I am succeeding. I would, however, probably have had the 8th and 9th pages completed by now if I did do them in greyscale. Perhaps I should do them in greyscale, post them that way, and then come back and post them in color when I complete them. I’m told that my inks are often descriptive enough. That’s a thought, but I’d like to discuss it with at least Jeff, and perhaps Seung also if I can catch him online at the same time as I am. It’s hard to catch him sometimes when he isn’t working.
Today is my birthday, and it isn’t good to be depressed on such a day. Writing about my feelings does help in culling the depression. I’d like to say that I’m not angry at anyone, especially Niko. I’ve felt that we’ve been good friends over the eight years that I have known him. I don’t need an apology from him and don’t expect one. He probably never knew he hurt me with what he said, anyway.
